My Summer Summed Up

So the beginning of Summer was pretty good. Went to Kavos for a week with my two close friends and it's was a real laugh. We had a lot of jokes and pondered around the views and the beach and probably caused a lot more trouble than we should have. I got ill though but I guess that's just a minor issue. Then my parents went away for a couple of weeks so I decided to have a house party. Which I must say, went pretty swimmingly and the house wasn't even in that bad of a state as you'd expect it to be! Met a few new people and also saw a few people I hadn't for a while. It was lovely. Then I had my skydive a few weeks later. It was one of the best experiences I have ever had. I wish I could just take myself back to that moment because the view is just so beautiful and made me cry and it was unforgettable. Apart from those major moments, I've really just been working, seeing people from time to time and looking for a full time job. 

At the moment. I'd say my life is pretty decent. I've quit smoking, I have a wonderful family, lovely friends and an amazing boyfriend. My mum and dad are actually getting along quite well which is a change. My brother and Charlotte are still going strong and they're happy. My nana and grandad are good and I love seeing them. My best friend Cara is back in my life after some bullshit that happened but we both grew up and moved on from it and now we're close again. Jam and me are ina bit of a rocky patch but we always fight it and pull through. Me and Cameron are going really well. I enjoy his company and seeing him even if it's just lying in his bed as cuddling up. I really like him. A lot. He knows that :) I miss a lot of my friends that have gone to uni and it's made me realise that I wish I saw them more before they left but before I know it, it will be Christmas and they'll all be down and I will see them all again. 

So that's just the update of my summer and I gotta say, it was one of the best summers I've had. 

Over-thinking is the worst

So I've always told people to never over-think because it is one of the worst things. It makes you feel like shit because you link one bad thing to another and then get yourself feeling more down and suddenly, you're going down this subconscious never-ending spiral that you cannot seem to release yourself from.

I've been doing this a lot recently. I'm one of those people that would always be there for advice or help if you ever need it and I'm a shoulder to cry on but do I ever listen to myself and take my own advice? Do I heck. You're with people, you're having a good time, a wonderful night with the people you love and people that love you and you're having a whale of a time but then BOOM! Once you're on your own, that's it. That's when you lead yourself into ghost mode and take yourself to somewhere you never want to be but just cant help but be there instantly. Once you're on your own, you reminisce on life, start to ponder and think of the 'if's' and 'buts'. Well let me tell you something, if 'if's' and 'buts' were caramel and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas, but they're not.

Moving on is ever so hard however. Trying to move on from that one person, place and moment is the hardest thing when once, it meant so much to you at the time. You replay it in your head and hope you'd go back there somehow. Wishing you were Dorothy and that you could click you red glittery shoes and just be there in an instant. 

There's a lot of people you meet throughout your lifetime, A LOT. Some get closer to you then others and it kills me inside when I suddenly become distant or separated from that person I was once so close to. 

I can't forget them, I know they want me to want them, I want to, but sometimes, I can't forgive them, so when it's all over, don't blow your composure.

Holiday

So it's only 3 more days until I'm off on holiday my bloggers!

I'm really really excited! I don't really know if it's excitement just because I'm saying it is or whether I genuinely am. I keep saying I am but I don't think I will be until we are actually in the airport and ready to get on the plane.

The thing I'm most excited for... I'm not quite sure to be honest. The drink? The pool? I really don't know but all I can say is...

HERE'S TO KAVOS 2013!

Keeping it separate

I've never really liked mixing my group of friends. I'm quite particular about my work friends being separate from my school friends being separate from my outer school friends and so on. I've always been weird like that. I just like having my separate people and separate groups of friends. Just one of these weird things I do and like.

But recently, they've all seemed to be meshing together, and I've gotta say, I do not like it one bit. The only person that should be allowed to mingle with them all should be my best friend. But when that person start to mix my friends all together, I seriously start to feel anxiety and detest but I've never understood why.

I love all my friends, I do. I mean, I wouldn't have befriended them otherwise, right? It's not that they wouldn't get along if they were all together and it's not like I have anything to hide because I don't. But I just like to have some people s e g r e g a t e d from others. It may be due to the fact that they all know different things or because I feel different sorts of comfort with each of them?

I don't know if anyone will even understand this post or get where I'm coming from but I just don't like mixing groups of friends. And when it DOES happen, how do you stop it?

Trainspotting

So a couple of days ago, I saw 'Requiem for a Dream' and today I watched the film 'Trainspotting'.

They are both very fucked up films to say the least but I recommend that everyone watches 'Trainspotting' first as it is less messed up and doesn't show the full effect or aftermath of drugs but 'Requiem for a Dream' is on a whole other level. 

If anything, this film has taught me to definitely not result to drugs or even try them. They seriously fuck with your mind and put you in some pretty insane situations, physically and mentally. 

I do think that anyone willing to try any drugs 'just for the hell of it' should really rethink their situations and watch these films to see the consequences that occur. This film made me feel so uncomfortable and yes, I cried from the vexatious feeling. 

But all in all, they were both really good films. But do not try the stunts at home. For real.

The night off

So exam period... Everyone's been through it and it is not pretty. So here's me, Erene and Laura are just here talking about what really matter and who we should turn to when we're unsure. 

The answer is friends. Friends are there for you no matter what and if they leave you, you know they were never your friend or worth it. You stress about exams, you get your hearts broken, you have embarrassing moments and you get drunk and blurt out unnecessary things. But friends would be here for you throughout it all and never judge you. 

I can't say I'm perfect or my friends are perfect but we all know how to have a good time and be there for one another. 

If I could turn back time

Smoking...

...worst habit ever and most regretted thing. I've never really understood why I started to smoke and even more, why I haven't stopped. It's not doing me any favours and it is potentially killing me. 

Maybe I started because of peer pressure, I thought it was cool at the time, I wanted to try something new? I don't know. I'm just as confused as anybody. And I don't know why I don't stop. I'm too addicted, I don't want to, I still wanna be be cool? Fuck knows.

But what I do know and what I've learnt is that I would never ever recommend someone to take it up. The constant sneaking around, your health at risk, the money wasted. It's not worth it. Trust me. 

If I could go back and never start, I honestly would. 

Kavos 2013

So, I'm going on holiday in 2 WEEKS TOMORROW, very exciting I know, and Kavos it is for me and my two friends. Let's be honest, we've all heard these stories and seen the TV programmes about 'What happens in Kavos' and whatnot, but realistically, us three really aren't that oblivious or stupid to let anything like that happen to us, because unlike most people, we have our heads screwed on right.

Great place, 2 great friends, a week with sun, booze, sea and possibly sex. So my issue? I don't believe all these things could possibly happen to us but at the end of the day, I guess they could? I think it is just the media and society planting ideas and worrying thoughts into my mind about the consequences that could potentially occur but I hope not? I guess no-one could ever really know until they encounter this experience for themselves, which is what I guess I need so psych myself up for...

I'm known as 'the mum' of nights out because I'm always making sure everyone's safe, no-ones gone on a walkabout and that if anyone needs a pint of water, to chunder or to sleep, I will make sure it happens for them. This is what I will be of Kavos '13, "THE MUM". I don't mind, I honestly don't. I like seeing other people having fun and doing as they please under the influence of alcohol because I'm the reliable one, but it would be nice to have the roles under swapping arrangements but we shall see 'What happens in Kavos'...ironic right?

So I've Wound Up Here...

I didn't have any intention to be big, or have loads of followers or anything like that from this blog. I guess I just wanted to have somewhere to write down all my feelings, emotions and thoughts that I seem to have and to not be judged for it. Just seemed like the logical and right thing to do I guess, just to rant or write whatever on here to make me feel better. Is that selfish?

I don't even know, but I do know that I will be blogging from here on out, so I guess you will be seeing and hearing a lot more from me...

Night Bloggers. x